Anyone can play synthesizers

Radiohead has headed back into the studio to work on their new album, confirming the rumors sparked by Thom Yorke’s cryptic (a.k.a. arty, a.k.a. pretentious) announcement on their message boards.

At what point did Radiohead buy into their own hype? I guess when enough people tell you that you’re the avant garde and savior of rock and roll you eventually lose touch with reality and believe them. Not that I’m not still a fan of the band, but I guess I’ve grown weary of hearing about Thom’s tortured soul and how he’s too fragile to deal with the weight of stardom. Is this for real? Then why clamor for attention by announcing things on a message board? It seems like a far cry from their No Singles, No Video, No Touring campaign for Kid A.

Here’s the part where I join that club where everyone bitches about how said band don’t sound like they used to and how we wish they would just keep making the same music forever. Not really, I’ve enjoyed every one of their albums post-OK Comupter. There’s some absolutely brilliant stuff there. It’s just watered down when I have to skip over the ambient skwaks and bleeps. There are traces in the albums, but mostly evident in their live shows, that when these guys stop trying to fuck around, they can still be the best rock band in the world.

OK Computer and the Bends, like the Beatles’ Rubber Soul and Revolver (and in my personal opinion Gomez’s Bring It On and Liquid Skin) sparked huge debates over which one was better, but reality was that both were bloody brilliant from start to finish. Every second was packed with lush, beauty sounds. They were albums that if they got fused into the CD tray in my player, I wouldn’t be complaining. But I don’t find that true with their later albums.

The beauty of OK Computer was that the band found ways to stretch the instruments they had into new sonic territories. The guitars in Subterranean Homesick Alien still seduce me today. It’s the closest thing I can think of to relate to what people thought of when they heard the distortion coming out of Hendrix’s guitar. Now they just throw in crazy machines because they make different sounds.

I’m not proclaiming the banishing of synthesizers or other instruments. Or even weird sounds. I love the boops that count off Paranoid Android, and I’m currently obsessing over the Fiery Furnaces’ Blueberry Boat.

Bottom line is that I just want Radiohead to stop justifying that different is better. If they want to insert a strange noise then make sure it’s there for a reason. Even if they don’t strap on guitars again, I’ll give them the benefit of hearing it. But don’t expect me to stick around just because people think it’s cool and progressive if I understand the latest offering from Radiohead.

I wish I may, I wish I might...

Sometimes the weight of the world is too much on a Monday morning, so I turned from my normal NPR to a lowly local talk show where each DJ was spouting off his list of things to accomplish within his lifetime and I got to thinking about my own lifelong dreams. So throwing aside factors such as monetary investment, magnitude of the goal (although nothing hokey like World Peace) or just plain implausibility, here’s my tentative list in no particular order:

1. Surf through a barrel of a wave
2. Visit Florence, Italy
3. Illustrate a children’s book
4. Buy that Corvette for my dad that he’s always wanted
5. Own a house with my own private section of the beach
6. Be featured in a design magazine (like Communication Arts)
7. Own a bar
8. Hardwire my iPod to my car
9. Paint a mural (the one I did in 6th grade doesn’t count)
10. Live in Hong Kong
11. Design my own line of graphic t-shirts

That’s all I can think of for now. Stay tuned to see if any of these get moved over to the Mission Accomplished list... but don’t hold your breath. Maybe I should beef up that list with some less lofty goals like Eat a Raspberry Danish but frankly who’s going to be impressed with that?

A Wolf at the Door (or What’s With Wolfowitz?)

President Bush’s nomination of Paul Wolfowitz for the head of the World Bank is a curious one. Why appoint someone with a background in defense as the head of an organization dealing with international economic development? The fact that Wolfowitz was one of the loudest proponents of the war in Iraq should raise a few more eyebrows. The whole issue reeks of Bush taking care of his constituency.

The broader outlook is probably to create a more solid validation of the invasion to Iraq. With President of the World Bank by his side, Bush would have a much easier time funding the reconstruction of a post-war Iraq. Thus expediting the recovery and stability in the region and vindicating Bush for the war. Pretty shrewd.

So, in the end, does this help the world? Does a more stable Middle East justify any possible divergence of attention from other countries in need?

Fuck tha Police

Okay I was speeding. I speed regularly. I’m clearly in the wrong. But isn’t there something about a cop giving you a ticket that just makes you hate the police so much? Isn’t there something more important they could be doing rather than camping out on the side of a road? And it’s supposed to be okay when they flash their lights in order to justify an illegal u-turn into a 7-11? Alright, that doesn’t make my wrong any more right. Just because other people do bad things doesn’t mean I can, right? I should be enlightened enough to take my medicine. Well I’m not so excuse me while I go jump off a cliff with everyone else, which is apparently leading me down into Hell.

My rage reminded me of kids who tattled on you when you were in school. You were obviously doing something wrong, but you’re anger was directed at this kid. Sitting in detention, you’re not thinking about what you did wrong or how you’d learn to do good from then on. Oh no, you sulk the whole time and cursed the kid’s name, even wished death upon him.

Now I have to dish out $150 for the ticket and sit through some boring ass defensive driving class. Thanks Mr. Policeman, love ya. The police: to protect, to serve, to piss off.

Supreme Beings de Rigueur

The Supreme Court takes on the Word of God in the Times by trying to ban the display of the ten commandments in front of government buildings. "The Bush administration, which has filed briefs urging the justices to uphold the displays in both cases..." was a statement that doesn’t surprise me. The executive branch is trying to breach both the concepts of Seperation of Church and State, and Check and Balances at the same time. The Supreme Court may be the one remaining branch trying to maintain the ideals of the U.S. without a personal agenda, but that may not last.

As much as people were upset that Bush reigns supreme for another four years, the extent of his legacy has been slow to dawn on most of the population. Bush has the frightening possibility of electing up to four justices to the Supreme Court before the end of his tenure. Examining his history and tendencies it’s safe to say there will be a significant shift in the ideology of the highest power in the judicial branch. People are concerned that there will be a regression in civil, gay and First Amendment rights. Abortion is most certainly in the front lines of the chopping block.

The country seems very polarized, yet there is not a real balance of power. The Democrats are scrambling to regroup and I don’t think too many people are worried about that. Bush will be out of the Oval Office in less than four years, and the Congress can be realigned in the next election. But what about over in the Supreme Court where the Justices have the luxury of keeping their seats indefinitely? Bush may be carving headlines with Iraq and his War on Terror, but his architecture of the Court may have the most dramatic consequences.

I’m a Laoser, not a Laover

It seems that I keep offending and pissing off people with this web blog. Who knew I’d turn into such a mudslinger? Am I the Joan Rivers of Cyberspace? Us Weekly ain’t got shit on this Laoser! I always meant for the content here to be more tongue-in-cheek but I guess I don’t have the writing chops to pull that off. I don’t need anger management. Most who know me find me to be a pretty laid back guy. But you know what they say, the lighter the picture, the darker the negative.

That said, I’ve never made it a priority to hide my intolerance for people’s bullshit. I’ll bitch and criticize who or what I feel are wrong. Yes, I think Bush is an idiot. Yes, I'm baffled by the adulation commanded by Paris Hilton. Hell yes, I hope there’s some serious bad karma waiting for people like Barry Bonds. I don’t want to hear about what you deserve and I don’t want to hear excuses about what you didn’t do. Own up to some fucking responsibility. In turn, my postings are in a public forum which leaves them open to whatever criticism dished out by anyone with the time (or pain threshold). So bring it! :) The only reason I never sent out a grand announcement along the lines of "Hey look at me and my quasi-intelligent, oh so trendy blog!" was that it was never my style to do so.

Spoil Sport

It’s not so much news anymore but I keep thinking about how Barry Bonds lashed out at the media over his use of steroids. How cares, right? Another pro athlete caught cheating, let’s move on. I think I was more surprised by the disdain Bonds had over the issue. He simply didn’t care that he had cheated. His defense was that other people (particularly the media) cheat and lie and get away with it so he should be able to as well. Who ever said it was okay to cheat? Has he heard of Enron? I hope he has that same arrogant swagger when he’s limp-dicked with man boobs.

Bonds is projected to surpass Babe Ruth in all time homers this season. He has the audacity to use race as the reason he’s being targetted. That the media is trying to protect the glorious Babe’s record. At least he can’t use the same argument when he aims for Hank Aaron, but I’m sure he’ll find some other excuse. I just hope there’s an asterisk next to that big fat number that reads “but he was a fucking juicer.”

Bonds and his demeanor just shows the ill-effects of the public’s eagerness to deify athletes and celebrities. In the age of Paparazzi, they think they’re above laws and morals. Chad Pennington of the NY Jets tried to turn the blame on the media by saying it’s a privilege to be able to report on the athletes, not a right. He and Bonds have forgotten that sports are public entertainment. They are there for the viewers. They are paid an ungodly sum of money for us to watch them run around in uniforms and toss balls around. If they want privacy or the right to use steroids, go play in a community league. When they cash that multimillion dollar check, they then answer to the millions of fans who dish out the money.

As an artist and designer, I know that when I place my work in a public forum, I open it up to public discussion and criticism. Athletes lose sight of the fact that they’re along a parallel path. No, their job is not to get a ball into the hoop; their real job is to entertain.

The NHL is also screwed. The entire season is lost because the players wont accept pay cuts or the fact that teams are bankrupt because there aren’t enough fans to see (i.e. pay) the sport. All of it goes to show that the only ones really suffering are the fans. It was nice to hear that in Canada the fans are turning their attention more towards minor and little leagues without shedding too many tears for the pros.

Fuck the NHL players. Fuck Pennington. Fuck Barry Bonds.

Before and After

Oh Spiderhouse I hardly knew ye

Sure the new two-tier deck adds some needed tables and outlets and the new tiles in the bathroom are nice, but there’s something to be said about the old comic book lined walls and paint-chipped posts. And what’s this? A motion sensor towel dispenser in the bathroom?! Is nothing sacred anymore?

Let’s hear it for hate!

Once in a while I’ll get bored and click the “Next Blog” button on the top right to see what others are doing with their blogs. Yesterday I discovered this which I found amusing. There’s such dedication to the animosity towards this person’s flatmate, it’s mesmerizing and not a little bit scary. Too bad the previous posts aren’t archived. But here’s a gem:

Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Yucky phone
Last night I needed to make a phone call so I went out to the living room and grabbed the phone and went back to my room.. This phone has quickdial, so I chose the pre-programmed umber and casually raised the phone to my ear. As I brought the phone to my face I smelled raspberry jam, but it was too late, it was all over the side of my face. I don't know if the jam got there by her fingers or mouth, and to tell you the truth, I don't really want to know. But she knew about it when she got home.

Today's reason my flatmate pisses me off is that she left raspberry jam smeared on the phone which subsequently ended up on my face.

I read some comments and it’s surprising how many people side with the roommate. How people defend leaving jam on a phone is beyond me. Maybe some feel self-conscious about their bad habits, but come on, who hasn’t had a roommate that annoyed or disgusted them?

My freshman year in college, I had a roommate who, on the first day, was hanging posters in our room and was standing on my pillow with his shoes on. Who knows what sort of shit he’d stepped in before: gum, dirt, dog doo. It was a stark wake-up call from my home, where we took off shoes before going inside. I think the word ‘appalled’ comes to mind.

I remember before leaving for college that I had a fear of walking in on my future roommate peeing in our sink because he didn’t want to walk down the hall to the community bathroom. Luckily that horror was never realized, but that scenario wasn’t too far off from Omar’s roommate getting drunk and peeing all over Omar’s clothes.

But that’s in the past. I think I like my current roomie a little bit more.

The Minimum is the Message

This may be my designer-nerd coming out, but I can’t stand the fact that I have to use special key combos in Blogger to enter the appropriate apostrophe symbol (’) rather than see the frequently misused footmark (').

I see that mistake everywhere and it grates me. Eh, who am I kidding? I'm guilty of footmark laziness in this very post.

i [hate] sinuses

I can’t breathe. My eyes are watering and feel like they’re going to burst. My nasal cavities feel as if cement has solidified within them. I am seriously considering stabbing myself in the face with my pen to relieve the pressure.

Damn you, Austin. I never had allergy issues until I moved here. Now I’m sniffling and sneezing on a daily basis. I enviously look back on those carefree days of ignoring allergy medicine aisles and scoffing at those who needed to arm themselves with kleenex in class. So it goes I guess. Who doesn’t take for granted what they should appreciate? I’ve never heard anyone say “Man, my gall bladder fucking ROCKS!”

Alas, all I can do is retreat to a doctor’s office and load up on drugs. Histamines beware!

From Halo’s heart, I stab at thee

Last weekend was the demise of the Dallas house (aka Sean and Jon's, aka Jon and Mike's) so what better way to send it off in style than to gather up 15 guys and network three Xbox's in the living room and play video games until eyes are bloodshot, livers are aching and thumbs are throbbing? Is there some sort of male instinct that makes such an event so enthralling? Man used to hunt and gather, and now we hunt aliens and gather spinning ammo icons.

All this is speculative since there was a girl in the midst of all this virtual testosterone, my girl to be exact, which left me with too much shame and embarrassment to let my hands get too comfortable nestling a controller. Not that I really minded anyway. I'm not much of a gaming buff anymore and hardly miss it. Plus the small split screen TVs and the fact that the only two guys who knew how to play teamed up to slaughter everyone else made it rather unpalatable. C'mon, where's the challenge? It's like Shaq slam dunking on high school freshmen.

It's still amazing to me that a room full of single guys can so easily resist rows of bars filled with females (just a few blocks away) to play video games. I'm sure I've been guilty many times of foregoing society for a chance to get to the bonus level. But I now I wouldn't hesitate at all to spend time with my girlfriend over a night of video games or to watch football or other minor things (like much needed sleep). But hey, that's me.

My Hardest Working Muscle (it ain’t my brain)

It’s the day after my first workout at my brand new gym with my brand new trainer thanks to my brand new $500plus membership. I’m feeling aches and sores in areas that probably haven’t been stirred in ages.

Don’t think that this is just some ambitious New Year’s resolution that will only fall by the wayside as most do. This was actually in the works for months but I was holding out for more money and weighing options for the gym best suited for my On-The-Go lifestyle. I figure that the tall, lanky, heroin-addict look is out, especially since I’ve given up the last remnants of hope that I’ll be discovered by some Calvin Klein representative and made sickeningly rich and famous. C-K... ONE! See, I could so do it.

I think I’m getting tired of waiting out my metabolism, which shows no signs of slowing down, despite many prophesies by older, pot-bellied men saying "Trust me, it won’t last." I’m also weary of crooked stares and invading pinches from family members exclaiming "You too skinny!"

I’m hoping that the required one-year membership and the ridiculously small distance from work will keep me motivated. But there are so many things that make it look so much more enticing to just waste away in gaunt manner that I’ve spent years refining. I mean, did they want to make those protein shakes taste like ass? The "Great Taste!" label on the package, that actually rubs off to read "Sucker!" right? And the tiny woman trainer who easily one arms the very same dumbbell that I was grunting and sweating over, she’s supposed to make me feel better? Who needs this crap?! I mean, if they wanted people to work out so much, they wouldn’t have made Lord of the Rings a twelve hour epic, right? Right?? (Oh man, I’m not going to make it.)

Stay tuned for further adventures!

Overheard...

...at Delaware Subs:

[Man01]: What, are you afraid of donating blood?
[Man02]: Well, I tried donating bodily fluids once, but I couldn't talk her into it.

Badump-ching!

Bushwacked, the sequel

So President Bush has been inaugurated for his second term today. I was never a fan of Bush but hadn't realised how over time I came to loathe him and his methods. Now, whenever I hear his voice I feel my eyes roll and a slight groan emits from my throat.

His inaugural address indicates a rather ambitious second term, which I'm sure gives many Americans reason to cringe. Once again Bush justifies all actions and intents with the guise of "freedom" and "liberty". I have a hard time believing that the President is practicing what he preaches. Statements such as "America will not impose our own style of government on the unwilling" somehow ring hollow to me. Especially when he later says "We will persistently clarify the choice before every ruler and every nation -- the moral choice between oppression, which is always wrong, and freedom, which is eternally right." Does the mantle of President allow a man to dictate what is right and what is freedom? Doesn't the act of imposing one's own terms of liberty paradoxically damn him of stripping others of their freedom?

To me, Bush welcomes people into a life of freedom and liberty as long as it's under the administration's definition of freedom and liberty. But I guess it's not so hard to imagine from a country created by colonialism, expanded by Manifest Destiny, and now empowered to create their Freedom Franchises. Everyone has a freedom to choose. Either assimilate or get crush by the Liberty Machine.

Okay, that's kind of dramatic. Maybe I'm just in a doomsday mood since someone freaking keyed my car!! I just got an estimate on it and it'll cost $1500! Well, insurance will pay it but it's going to be in the shop for around seven days and I'm just having terrrible karma on my VW lately. I'm already bracing myself for when I walk up to find my car stripped and on blocks.

Highly Evolved

How Magazine compares some of our cultural lifestyles as compared to 20 years ago:

THEN : NOW
ghetto blaster : iPod
low-fat : low-carb
New Coke : C2
Iran-Iraq War : Iraq War
Miami Vice : CSI:Miami
Star Search : American Idol
Spuds Mackenzie : Target dog
VP George H.W. Bush : Dubbya
Tic Tacs : Altoids
Donahue : Dr. Phil
Michael Jackson on fire : Michael Jackson under fire
"Return of the Jedi" : "Return of the Sith"
"Late Night" : "Late Show"
Air Jordans : Air Tunes
Andre the Giant : Andre 3000
Pole Position : Gran Turismo
Macintosh 128K : iMac G5
Aldus PageMaker : Adobe inDesign
Care Bears : Build-A-Bear

Cheerleaders for Saddam

I heard on NPR this morning that many organizations that aren’t pro-Bush are basically being stonewalled from the Presidential Inauguration. (Sorry, couldn’t find the link.) Seems Bush doesn’t want eggs being tossed at his limo again. Well, I can’t really say I blame him. But what was really grating to me was the response from a pro-Bush organization to justify this one-sided showing. They claim that this is President Bush’s day and that dissenting voices are not invited. That anyone not supporting the President is aligning themselves with terrorism and Saddam. That those people are “cheerleaders for Saddam”.

Wow. How’s that for deductive reasoning? I didn’t vote for Bush so I must be a Saddam-loving terrorist. I didn’t eat at Taco Bell for dinner so I must be a tree-hugging hippie.

I wouldn’t take much notice of an inauguration even if the guy I voted for won. I don’t care if some people are inclined to go live it up in a $2000 a night hotel and go listen to Bush gloat over his win. But man, those comments lit me up this morning to the point where coworkers are noticing that I’m scouling at nothing in particular at my desk. I [heart] democracy.

A is for Appalled

Because of my job, I'm constantly exposed to the conservative nature of educators. It's tough trying to get through ideas and styles that aren't cliched and dated, and basically push the envelope more. But I find myself relieved that a school in New Jersey decided that it was best not to have Paris Hilton sustitute teach middle school children for an episode of The Simple Life.

The scary thing is that they even considered the proposition enough to go as far as having permission forms sent to parents. Of course the moms and dads were outraged and the school board was frightened back into thinking sensibly.

Okay Jon, two more wishes

CNN announces that it's going to cancel it's longrunning debate show, Crossfire, which causes me to shed no tears. What makes me wonder though, is how much of it had to do with the much publicized smackdown between Jon Stewart and the show's hosts. In the announcement, the CNN president even refers to Stewart and the incident.

I'm all for losing the Yell At Each Other Really Quickly pseudo-news shows, but I'm wary that it's only being done because some celebrity says so. Stewart brings up good points and even denounces that his comedy show should have any bearing or influence on real news. Yes, Jon has an agenda and is partisan, but at least I get the impression that he thinks it's wrong for us to look to him. Sadly, that's not a view shared by others. I don't need P.Diddy to tell me to vote or die, but others do. The scope of influence by these stars is scary. And people aren't hiding their desire to be led by them. Arnold is the prime example. Who knows how far he'll really go, but it's frightening to know that people want him in the Oval Office. We don't ask chefs to fix our cars. We don't look to mailmen to put out fires. But we'll let some guy who pretends to shoot aliens with big guns run California and possibly our country?

Okay, okay, the natural born citizen rule is outdated. I never for a split second in my life even had the notion of being president because of this clause. It should probably be changed. But why are people only starting up this virtuous crusade now? It was never a big issue before a big movie star wanted to do it. Remember when Janet thought it would be a good idea to show her boob to America? It just seems like celebrities can't wait to go out and make asses of themselves. And you want them to rule the world?

Between people unwaiveringly supporting Bush and people eagerly following celebrities, I feel as if there's no sensible outlet for people who are trying to seriously consider issues in and around the world. At least we now have blogs so we can bitch about it, right?

Marooned

So I find myself back here in Nashville for the holidays. Nothing to do. No one to talk to. All the while, I have a sinking sensation that my buddies in Austin and Dallas are all living it up. By "living" I mean drinking, which I could do here, but the few times I've tried the solo adventures into bars, it hasn't been pretty. I end up sitting at the bar studying the graphics on SportCenter with an intensity that I would devote to very few things, like say, Gina or dismantling a bomb.

Now two days into my ten day excursion, I turn to an old, neglected pasttime, television. Cable television to be exact, and I've quickly reassessed that there is NOTHING on TV worth watching. I tend to gravitate towards the old standards, Simpsons and Seinfeld, which ironically I have a plethora of DVDs at home of. But at least here, it's on a big screen.

And that brings me to my next adventure, shopping with my mom for an HD Plasma Wall-mounted TV for my dad. I was in danger of being swallowed up by acronyms and tech speak. Do we want HD or ED? LCD or Plasma? DPL with our LCD or sans-DPL? HD ready or HD compatable? Well, HD ready because then we wouldn't have to buy or rent a seperate HD box. Whoa, slow down there. We'll need the box anyway? So what do we need the HD ready for then? So Plasma's are better? But they're not repairable? LCD's not as good? But repairable? Which lasts longer? I want DPL?? Why not ED LCD with DPL??? So is HD LCD as good as ED Plasma?!!? AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!