Monday, January 24, 2005

My Hardest Working Muscle (it ain’t my brain)

It’s the day after my first workout at my brand new gym with my brand new trainer thanks to my brand new $500plus membership. I’m feeling aches and sores in areas that probably haven’t been stirred in ages.

Don’t think that this is just some ambitious New Year’s resolution that will only fall by the wayside as most do. This was actually in the works for months but I was holding out for more money and weighing options for the gym best suited for my On-The-Go lifestyle. I figure that the tall, lanky, heroin-addict look is out, especially since I’ve given up the last remnants of hope that I’ll be discovered by some Calvin Klein representative and made sickeningly rich and famous. C-K... ONE! See, I could so do it.

I think I’m getting tired of waiting out my metabolism, which shows no signs of slowing down, despite many prophesies by older, pot-bellied men saying "Trust me, it won’t last." I’m also weary of crooked stares and invading pinches from family members exclaiming "You too skinny!"

I’m hoping that the required one-year membership and the ridiculously small distance from work will keep me motivated. But there are so many things that make it look so much more enticing to just waste away in gaunt manner that I’ve spent years refining. I mean, did they want to make those protein shakes taste like ass? The "Great Taste!" label on the package, that actually rubs off to read "Sucker!" right? And the tiny woman trainer who easily one arms the very same dumbbell that I was grunting and sweating over, she’s supposed to make me feel better? Who needs this crap?! I mean, if they wanted people to work out so much, they wouldn’t have made Lord of the Rings a twelve hour epic, right? Right?? (Oh man, I’m not going to make it.)

Stay tuned for further adventures!


Susan said...

Just don't ever become such a beefcake that the Slimfast shirt ceases to be funny.

laoser said...

The Slim-Fast shirt! Damn, it's been so long that I forgot about it. I left it in Cali and my cousin has claimed it for his own. :(