My Hardest Working Muscle (it ain’t my brain)

It’s the day after my first workout at my brand new gym with my brand new trainer thanks to my brand new $500plus membership. I’m feeling aches and sores in areas that probably haven’t been stirred in ages.

Don’t think that this is just some ambitious New Year’s resolution that will only fall by the wayside as most do. This was actually in the works for months but I was holding out for more money and weighing options for the gym best suited for my On-The-Go lifestyle. I figure that the tall, lanky, heroin-addict look is out, especially since I’ve given up the last remnants of hope that I’ll be discovered by some Calvin Klein representative and made sickeningly rich and famous. C-K... ONE! See, I could so do it.

I think I’m getting tired of waiting out my metabolism, which shows no signs of slowing down, despite many prophesies by older, pot-bellied men saying "Trust me, it won’t last." I’m also weary of crooked stares and invading pinches from family members exclaiming "You too skinny!"

I’m hoping that the required one-year membership and the ridiculously small distance from work will keep me motivated. But there are so many things that make it look so much more enticing to just waste away in gaunt manner that I’ve spent years refining. I mean, did they want to make those protein shakes taste like ass? The "Great Taste!" label on the package, that actually rubs off to read "Sucker!" right? And the tiny woman trainer who easily one arms the very same dumbbell that I was grunting and sweating over, she’s supposed to make me feel better? Who needs this crap?! I mean, if they wanted people to work out so much, they wouldn’t have made Lord of the Rings a twelve hour epic, right? Right?? (Oh man, I’m not going to make it.)

Stay tuned for further adventures!

Overheard...

...at Delaware Subs:

[Man01]: What, are you afraid of donating blood?
[Man02]: Well, I tried donating bodily fluids once, but I couldn't talk her into it.

Badump-ching!

Bushwacked, the sequel

So President Bush has been inaugurated for his second term today. I was never a fan of Bush but hadn't realised how over time I came to loathe him and his methods. Now, whenever I hear his voice I feel my eyes roll and a slight groan emits from my throat.

His inaugural address indicates a rather ambitious second term, which I'm sure gives many Americans reason to cringe. Once again Bush justifies all actions and intents with the guise of "freedom" and "liberty". I have a hard time believing that the President is practicing what he preaches. Statements such as "America will not impose our own style of government on the unwilling" somehow ring hollow to me. Especially when he later says "We will persistently clarify the choice before every ruler and every nation -- the moral choice between oppression, which is always wrong, and freedom, which is eternally right." Does the mantle of President allow a man to dictate what is right and what is freedom? Doesn't the act of imposing one's own terms of liberty paradoxically damn him of stripping others of their freedom?

To me, Bush welcomes people into a life of freedom and liberty as long as it's under the administration's definition of freedom and liberty. But I guess it's not so hard to imagine from a country created by colonialism, expanded by Manifest Destiny, and now empowered to create their Freedom Franchises. Everyone has a freedom to choose. Either assimilate or get crush by the Liberty Machine.

Okay, that's kind of dramatic. Maybe I'm just in a doomsday mood since someone freaking keyed my car!! I just got an estimate on it and it'll cost $1500! Well, insurance will pay it but it's going to be in the shop for around seven days and I'm just having terrrible karma on my VW lately. I'm already bracing myself for when I walk up to find my car stripped and on blocks.

Highly Evolved

How Magazine compares some of our cultural lifestyles as compared to 20 years ago:

THEN : NOW
ghetto blaster : iPod
low-fat : low-carb
New Coke : C2
Iran-Iraq War : Iraq War
Miami Vice : CSI:Miami
Star Search : American Idol
Spuds Mackenzie : Target dog
VP George H.W. Bush : Dubbya
Tic Tacs : Altoids
Donahue : Dr. Phil
Michael Jackson on fire : Michael Jackson under fire
"Return of the Jedi" : "Return of the Sith"
"Late Night" : "Late Show"
Air Jordans : Air Tunes
Andre the Giant : Andre 3000
Pole Position : Gran Turismo
Macintosh 128K : iMac G5
Aldus PageMaker : Adobe inDesign
Care Bears : Build-A-Bear

Cheerleaders for Saddam

I heard on NPR this morning that many organizations that aren’t pro-Bush are basically being stonewalled from the Presidential Inauguration. (Sorry, couldn’t find the link.) Seems Bush doesn’t want eggs being tossed at his limo again. Well, I can’t really say I blame him. But what was really grating to me was the response from a pro-Bush organization to justify this one-sided showing. They claim that this is President Bush’s day and that dissenting voices are not invited. That anyone not supporting the President is aligning themselves with terrorism and Saddam. That those people are “cheerleaders for Saddam”.

Wow. How’s that for deductive reasoning? I didn’t vote for Bush so I must be a Saddam-loving terrorist. I didn’t eat at Taco Bell for dinner so I must be a tree-hugging hippie.

I wouldn’t take much notice of an inauguration even if the guy I voted for won. I don’t care if some people are inclined to go live it up in a $2000 a night hotel and go listen to Bush gloat over his win. But man, those comments lit me up this morning to the point where coworkers are noticing that I’m scouling at nothing in particular at my desk. I [heart] democracy.

A is for Appalled

Because of my job, I'm constantly exposed to the conservative nature of educators. It's tough trying to get through ideas and styles that aren't cliched and dated, and basically push the envelope more. But I find myself relieved that a school in New Jersey decided that it was best not to have Paris Hilton sustitute teach middle school children for an episode of The Simple Life.

The scary thing is that they even considered the proposition enough to go as far as having permission forms sent to parents. Of course the moms and dads were outraged and the school board was frightened back into thinking sensibly.

Okay Jon, two more wishes

CNN announces that it's going to cancel it's longrunning debate show, Crossfire, which causes me to shed no tears. What makes me wonder though, is how much of it had to do with the much publicized smackdown between Jon Stewart and the show's hosts. In the announcement, the CNN president even refers to Stewart and the incident.

I'm all for losing the Yell At Each Other Really Quickly pseudo-news shows, but I'm wary that it's only being done because some celebrity says so. Stewart brings up good points and even denounces that his comedy show should have any bearing or influence on real news. Yes, Jon has an agenda and is partisan, but at least I get the impression that he thinks it's wrong for us to look to him. Sadly, that's not a view shared by others. I don't need P.Diddy to tell me to vote or die, but others do. The scope of influence by these stars is scary. And people aren't hiding their desire to be led by them. Arnold is the prime example. Who knows how far he'll really go, but it's frightening to know that people want him in the Oval Office. We don't ask chefs to fix our cars. We don't look to mailmen to put out fires. But we'll let some guy who pretends to shoot aliens with big guns run California and possibly our country?

Okay, okay, the natural born citizen rule is outdated. I never for a split second in my life even had the notion of being president because of this clause. It should probably be changed. But why are people only starting up this virtuous crusade now? It was never a big issue before a big movie star wanted to do it. Remember when Janet thought it would be a good idea to show her boob to America? It just seems like celebrities can't wait to go out and make asses of themselves. And you want them to rule the world?

Between people unwaiveringly supporting Bush and people eagerly following celebrities, I feel as if there's no sensible outlet for people who are trying to seriously consider issues in and around the world. At least we now have blogs so we can bitch about it, right?